We have something a little different for G60 today. Rather than merely voice my own opinions on 2000’s Godzilla X Megaguirus (GxM), I wanted to get an insider’s perspective. So I called up my industry contacts, hopped on a few bullet trains, pulled every string I knew, bought an English-Japanese dictionary, and eventually tracked down the film’s director, a Mr. Masaaki Tezuka, for a rare, uncensored, 100% legitimate interview. Masaaki and I sat down over hot sake and Kirin Ichiban in the lobby of a five-star hotel in the heart of Tokyo’s Shinjuku district to discuss his directorial debut in the Godzilla series. I have generously made the transcript available to you below:
Connor: First of all, Mr. Tezuka, it’s an honor to be here. I’ve wanted to meet you ever since I learned last week that Shasuke Kaneko would not be available to discuss his Godzilla film, GMK, with me.
Masaaki: Oh. That’s, that’s great.
Connor: Yeah! Your agent said he hasn’t spoken to you in like, forever, but he didn’t think you probably had anything else going on.
Masaaki: That’s not entirely true. I’ve actually—
Connor: —Please try to stay on topic, Mr. Tezuka. We’re here to discuss Godzilla. Why don’t you tell us how Toho approached you with the offer to direct GxM?
Masaaki: Okay… It was 1999 and Godzilla 2000: Millennium was in theaters. Executive producer, Shogo Tomiyama, asked if I was good at taking orders and accepting creative decisions made over my head from the top down. I assumed he was asking me about my job waiting tables at a restaurant, so I said I was indeed very good at taking orders. He offered me the director’s job on the next Godzilla film on the spot!
Connor: For those who may not have seen it, why don’t you explain what the film is about?
Masaaki: For years, Godzilla has attacked Japan for its nuclear energy sources. Thereafter we banned nuclear plants to deter Godzilla from returning. It works until plasma energy is introduced in 1996. Godzilla is attracted to that energy source too. So in the near future—
Connor: —Which is now the near past.
Masaaki: Yes… In what was then the near future, we form a team called the G-Graspers to counter Godzilla and developed a new weapon called Dimension Tide that can fire a miniature black hole that we hope will swallow Godzilla and suck him into another dimension. But when Dimension Tide is test-fired, it opens up a time-space distortion that allows a species of giant insect to pass through. These are called Meganulons, which shed their exoskeletons to become flying Meganulas. The Meganulas attack Godzilla to siphon energy from him to feed their queen, the giant Megaguirus. The government continued developing plasma energy in secret, drawing Godzilla back to Japan where he battles Megagurus.
Connor: I always thought the plasma energy subplot was pretty weak. It’s just a fictional substitute for nuclear energy that serves the same purpose and actually negates much of the symbolism of Godzilla being spawned by atomic testing and man’s arrogance and all that.
Masaaki: I wish I had thought of that. Oh well, the suits at Toho wouldn’t have cared what I had to say anyway.
Connor: Huh? What? Oh sorry, can you repeat that? I wasn’t listening.
Masaaki: Let’s just move on to the next question.
Connor: Sure. What is something you don’t like or would have liked to change about GxM?
Masaaki: I would have developed Masato Tanaka’s character, Tsujimori, a little better. She’s such a strong female character and could have been fleshed out more.
Connor: That’s good. Here are mine: (1) Godzilla acts like a soulless automaton the whole movie. Half the time he just stands around not doing anything. (2) Megaguirus moves even more stiffly than Heisei Mothra. Realistic flight or anything else was clearly not a consideration when building the prop. (3) The G-Graspers try to fight off Godzilla on foot with shoulder-fired RPGs? What the hell were those supposed to do? (5) None of the characters are engaging and half of them have no reason for being in the film at all. (6) The editing is horrible. Shots go on way too long, camera angles don’t mesh, and there’s an over-reliance on poorly-done slow motion. (7) The composite effects shots are worse than even the worst ones in Godzilla 2000. (8) Masato Tanaka has a really ugly receding hairline.
Masaaki: Do your interviews always go like this?
Connor: No idea. This one’s my first.
Masaaki: I never should have taken that call from my old agent…
Connor: A recent poll shows that most people with a favorable impression of GxM fall into two groups: Twelve-year-olds or people who recently drank a gallon of bleach to pass a pre-employment drug test. How does that make you feel?
Masaaki: I’m not entirely sure how to answer that.
Connor: Giving an honest assessment of your own work, would you say your film is less coherent than Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla, or only as coherent?
Masaaki: What kind of questions are these?
Connor: I’m the media, Mr. Tezuka. My job is to push a predetermined point of view.
Masaaki: And what point of view is that?
Connor: Glad you asked! That Godzilla X Megaguirus is the worst film of the Millennium Series and looks like something high school students with a GoPro would make nowadays.
Masaaki: That’s it. I’m leaving.
(Masaaki stands up from our table)
Connor: You can’t. The bar still has your credit card.
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