Breaking Bad has been my ultimate pop culture vegetable this last year. I finally decided to watch it after years of people saying it was the best. show. ever. So I set off on a journey to catch up armed with the marathon powers of Netflix. What I found was, that although Breaking Bad is an empirically and almost clinically good show, I watched it with the same trepidation and speed I would eat an overly buttered vegetable medley served at my parent’s house.
I mean, look, the premise is good, the conflicts are well played out, and Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul deserve all the awards forever for their performances. But it just didn’t suck me in or engage me the way other shows have (at least until season four). I ended up only being able to watch chunks of the show while playing Free Cell, cruising Tumblr for animal gifs, or quilting.
Hand quilting, bitch.
So, in an effort to spare my friends from hearing more monologues about how I think Breaking Bad is a good show, but I just don’t love it, let me tell you, dear internet, why:
1. Walter White is/has/always will be the worst. I mean, initially, he was just white guy/mid-life crisis annoying. As much as I can appreciate a “quiet desperation” sort of setup, this one just seemed disingenuous from jump street. It takes him, what, one episode to poison some guys and three episodes to choke a guy to death? And he kind of has a reaction, but then moves on because he apparently doesn’t show emotion unless it benefits him. And then we’re still surprised at how evil he’s become? Yeah, he claims it’s for his family, but it’s ultimately a way for him to do something for himself. He wanted to succumb to cancer because that was his choice. When that choice was taken off the table, meth cooking seemed to take its place, and hell, why not just go all in? Even when there have been outs, Walt always chooses to play the game and get more money. Because family. But mostly his massive ego. I mean, I guess there wouldn’t be a show if he took on a safe hobby like fly fishing or something, but watching a selfish person continue to make selfish decisions has been tedious at times.
If it weren’t for these flawless montages.
2. Walt’s foils (that are not female) are more interesting and engaging that he is. Jesse is a great character. He’s a screw up, but he’s relatable. He even seemingly has a conscience, even when he’s doing terrible things. Jesse feels feels. I appreciate that. Hank is tough because he’s got an obnoxious swagger at the beginning of the series, but season four and five Hank awesomely redeems himself. At least his swagger is aimed at stopping criminals, you know? Also, when you think of other foils including Mike or Gus, I would rather spend an episode watching them do their evil work rather than Walt. Maybe it’s because they retain some mystique due to limited screen time, so I can fill in more awesome backstory for them, but I still found them more interesting.
Also, velvet suit.
3. The female characters are woefully underwritten. One of the worst things about Breaking Bad fandom is the Skyler and Marie hate. Because nothing garners hatred like undeveloped women who are not involved in illegal shenanigans and tell their husbands to not do stupid shit. Part of this has to be that the first few seasons, Skyler and Marie don’t do much besides be walls for the men in their lives to bounce dialogue off of. It’s not until season four when we see these two characters develop into their own people (Skyler more so than Marie, although the open house/klepto plot was pretty great). This also marked the turning point when I decided I actually liked the show. I mean, Walt and Skyler working as a team was refreshing and interesting. It made sense why they married each other: they were both smart, capable humans. Was this what their marriage was like before cancer and meth? Because that journey from a close and intimate relationship to distanced and hostile one could have been interesting. But instead, we get Skyler in early seasons mostly crying for seemingly no better reason than vagina.
What do you mean we can have two female characters talk to each other like people?
4. Season two and three are hella slow. There is little to no justification for this point, especially given my love of period piece miniseries where not much happens in an episode other than Mr. Richdude briefly touches Lady Saucyinarepressedsortofway’s hand, but these seasons were a long slog for me.
Except for the “Crapa Pelada” interlude, obviously.
5. I highly dislike any episode that is Walt-heavy. Like I said before, Bryan Cranston plays Walt wonderfully and with as much pathos as possible, but dear god, he’s just not my kind of character. Especially in long scenes where characters are chewing up scenery, if it involves Walt, I just sit around with my internal Wrap it Up Box playing . Later seasons at least have enough characters to break up the Walt moments for me.
#swag?
6. Not enough humor. The first season works because it’s absurdly funny. It’s a ridiculous situations with an Odd Couple-esque duo. But somewhere along the way, things get so serious that it all begins to look the same. I mean in season four, Hank’s mineral collecting hobby deserves one emphatic “heh” sort of laugh, but after that it’s just sad and it blends into more sad until all you see is sad. There just isn’t enough Star Trek fanfic to contrast the sad.
The tone of Breaking Bad personified (catified?)
7. Saul is obnoxious and not that funny. This is mostly my regular kneejerk reaction to sleazy lawyer characters. I will say that season four and five Saul has been much more tolerable, probably because he tells Walt how ridiculous he is all the time.
8. Walt, Jr. rarely does anything but eat breakfast and talk about cars until season five. Blah blah blah, underutilized character that was written like a cardboard cutout. Also an excuse to post this:
Have an A-1 day!
What it comes down to is a matter of taste. As a person who consumes a lot of pop culture and thinks she has good taste, I feel like I should like Breaking Bad much more than I do. So why have I continued to watch it? Because when it’s good, it’s really good. If the story is moving forward more than one minor plot point or not-Walt is the main character of an episode, it’s great. It really is a fantastically written show, despite any aspects that have bothered me. And I mean, if nothing else, the tight plotting has to result in a satisfying series finale, right? Right? TWO MORE EPISODES.
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